I know people who have spent years housebound because they do not want to be seen in a wheelchair. When the freedom of going shopping with a friend, or going out for a coffee with your adult children, or seeing the christmas nativity scene in the square (or whatever it is that a given person actually enjoys doing) can’t compensate for the “shame” of being seen as disabled, we have somehow taught ourselves some very stupid lessons about what matters in life.

So how do we as a “society” learn to applaud people for their achievements, accept them for who they are and what they do, and actually integrate the world so everyone has a fair place?

I used to sit to talk to my grandmother – is it different sitting to talk to someone in a wheelchair? I can reach on top of the cupboard, but I don’t put things there which other people need to get down. A ramp over a step is not an ideal solution, but it would let me enter many bars with a friend who can’t get in right now).

There are many many stories that can and need to be told to help people understand that attitude is a key problem to consider, often as much as the ultimately small and solvable issue of a ramp or a better way to find a path using a cane.

Thank you for telling some.

Recently I saw a video of a disabled person who goes around giving talks about how he can do anything he sets his mind to, doesn’t let his disabilities stop him, blah blah blah, we’ve all heard it before.

Someone commented that disabled people do not exist to make able-bodied people feel better about their lives as they try to live a life that other people would call “normal.” This comment got a storm of “How dare you!” type responses. “Maybe what he says helps other people to understand that their little problems are unimportant!” was the general response.

The ableism in this is overwhelming. First of all, there’s the problem of “The exception is not the rule.” The media loves stores about those who “Beat the odds!” and society starts wondering why everyone isn’t like that. As a disabled person, I’m sure you’ve had some able-bodied person explain to you that they saw a story about someone just like you who (fill in the blank — was able to walk again, went on a thousand mile solo hike, sailed around the universe, whatever), and – here’s the kicker — They Did It, So Can You.

(As a fat disabled person I’m constantly being told that if I just lost weight, I’d be able to walk again. If I’m in an especially bad mood, I will explain to these nitwits how they should return their medical degree to the Cracker Jack Box it clearly came from.)

So once you have the “The Exception Did It, So Can You” mindset you get people wondering why extra things have to be done to help the disabled. Recently I read complaints about pools being shut down because they did not have accessible access, which was required by a particular date. The most common comment went along the lines of, “Well it’s just wasted expense, there’s so few disabled people that all that money is going for just a very few people, just like our tax dollars get wasted on kerb cuts and cross-walk signs that beep.”

I totter back and forth between rage at the selfishness and weeping for a humanity that seems to have lost any compassion it might have once had. (Unless it’s compassion for someone who is disabled who shows how able-bodied they can be.)