Comments on: What It Means To Be A Help Object

By: Laura

Laura — Sat, 07 Sep 2013 13:09:02 +0000

Thank you for writing this. I have posted the link on my blog (with attribution to you) so that the message can be shared further.

I know several people with visible physical disabilities and this puts to words what is often felt but left unspoken.

Laura

By: Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg — Thu, 05 Sep 2013 23:55:19 +0000

Whoa. Not too much insistence on maintaining the pecking order there, eh?

By: Haddayr Copley-Woods

Haddayr Copley-Woods — Thu, 05 Sep 2013 18:17:55 +0000

I, too, am apparently no longer able to help. I recently got down an item from a tall shelf for a woman. The only reason I could was because of my crutches. My disability is what MADE ME ABLE TO HELP HER.

She refused to take the box.

By: julesinrose

julesinrose — Wed, 04 Sep 2013 12:26:51 +0000

It makes me really happy, JesstheK, that you find my words helpful.

Funny thing though – I’ve been helping others for years. No one doesn’t let me do it!!! What’s up with that? I more than kinda need some reciprocity now. I hear people tell my husband and I things like “I can’t possibly help you ’cause you’re so capable and self sufficient and smart. . .” I believe they think this is some sort of compliment, but I hear it as a big cop out! I’ve heard we are “intimidating!” You oughta see us. Two unusually short middle aged people. You’d think we were ogres or something!!

By: Jesse the K

Jesse the K — Wed, 04 Sep 2013 01:51:02 +0000

Thanks to both Rachel and julesinrose for singing that tune perfectly. I’m going to download this essay to my phone so I can explain this stuff to those who care about being clueful.

After 20 years with an evident disability, here’s one more rule about help objects: we can’t help you. When I hold the door for able-appearing you, you’re gonna freak. When I pay full price on the bus, you have to carefully explain that I don’t need to. When I volunteer to do anything, you doubt that I can do it (but won’t ask me directly).

By: julesinrose

julesinrose — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 19:19:19 +0000

Thank you, Rachel. I wanted to have an emotionally quiet day without tears, but now that’s not possible. I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am to you. Without your witnessing, I have no idea how I could have made it through the last week. Thank you so much. I have the bravery to say to you “I refuse to be invisible” by telling you to use m real name, but I do not have the bravery to post this on my Facebook wall. The amount of people who will be insulted will be stunning. Well, not to us, I’m afraid.